Nadia D'Anvers (part 3)

Aermannes has been acting so strangely around me. I was down by the waterfall the other day and he was being really nice... funny even. Then today in town he wouldn't even speak to me. I don't know what I did to make him act so strangely.

I spoke with him later outside of Four Kings and I got a glimpse into his past. I don't think he meant to say anything, as he ran off pretty much right after.

I walked into Caemlyn as I was heading to the White Tower and found my self in the middle of a fight. I didn't know which way to run. I found my head feeling as if I had been hit, but I had no bumps or cuts. There were a couple Children and some Ash'aman... Cel was there.

The fighting stopped and Cel said something about coming for Caisen. They took him, but left a woman I had seen earlier. When Inquisitor Thal came to, he shouted at me saying that he had heard Cel talking to me. I don't remember Cel saying anything, but I felt dazed for most of the fight anyways.

Inquisitor Thal took the woman back to the camp. I knew what would happen to her for associating with a member of the White Tower. I sat in Four Kings for a while, listening to Caisen saying he was going to go after her.

I couldn't just sit there anymore. I knew I had to try and get her out. I fear that decision may result in my discovery, but I couldn't let another innocent person suffer at their hands.

And so, I pulled on the dress that the Children of the Light gave me and I am now ready to head into the camp. If this is my last entry, I hope that someone finds this book and tells Darigal that I will miss him, for his truly is my best friend... tells Aermannes that I will miss him and I'm sorry for upsetting him however I have managed to... and tells Amelie Sedai that I am sorry, but I couldn't sit idly by...

~ Nadia

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{All further entries are not written in Nadia's usual curvy script, but are scrawled as if she hasn't the energy to write the words she wishes to share.}

It is done. The Children know what I am, what I was perhaps destined to be from birth.

I went to the camp to try an help the woman taken by Inquisitor Thal. As he struck her repeatedly with his barbed whip I reached for saidar, not knowing what I could do. As he continued to whip her, my emotions got the better of me. I released saidar as soon as I could, but it was too late... a cloud of dust had risen in the room and surrounded us.

Inquisitor Thal flew into a rage and ordered another Child present to restrain me. What could I do? I tried to flee, but was held by the Inquisitor - the anger in his eyes haunts me still. As they searched my pack, they found my robes from the White Tower and subsequently burned them.

Inquisitor Thal held me and forced me to watch as they killed the poor girl I had hoped to free. I thought she looked vaguely familiar and it was discovered that she too was a novice of the Tower.

{Tears stain the page and the ink runs together making it hard to read.}

I knew this day would come. The day that I discovered that I, like my mother, could chanel... I knew that one day I would die at the hands of the Children of the Light. I couldn't run, for had I run they would have hunted me and the punnishment would have been worse.

Inquisitor Thal will come for me soon. He is taking me to Safad where I may be held securely until the day that, again like my mother, I will burn at the hands of the Children.

May the Light forgive them for the zealousness that blinds them to truths of the world...

~ Nadia

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I look around what is to be my home for the few days left in my life and try to think of whether I could have prevented this. The cell is dark and damp, I find myself shivering even now. I hear the screams of other captives and I fear what I will be put through. I have seen the Inquisitor do his 'work' and I fear what will be done to me.

Should I have stayed within the walls of the Tower? If I had, I would not be a prisioner within this cell, but within a much larger one. If had run rather than tried to help that poor woman... would I be free now? Or would I be hunted like an animal? I knew this day would come and I could not fight it any longer. Soon I will be reunited with my mother... somewhere in the pattern we will be together again... whole and well...

How long will the Inquisitor make me wait until it begins? The waiting is just as torturous as what is to come... all around me echo the painful cries of others. Do they deserve what is happening to them? Are they truly darkfriends? Or is it possibly that they should be set free... I fear I will never again be able to help another. That is all I wanted... to learn... to heal... to help those who needed it. I even wished to help the Children... help them see the error of their ways...

There is barely enough light to write... as I sit in the darkness I think of those who I may never see again... What will Darigal think has happened? I do wish I could get a message to him... to tell him that I had to leave... to never let him learn the truth. And Aermannes... he dispises the Children already... when he learns of my fate, what will emotion lead him to do? I hope that he realizes nothing good will come of him confronting the Children - I do not wish harm to come to him at their hands. Amelie Sedai... she cared for me when others did not. I hope she thinks I merely ran away... I'm sure some novices run away. There are so many people in Four Kings that have touched my life... have I touched theirs in return? If so, I pray that they never learn the truth of my end...

I hear footsteps... I must go...

~ ~ ~

{The pages contain smuged blood and tears, the scawl becoming even more unreadable.}

He didn't use the barbed whip... thank the Light... I expected him to bring it out... to feel the sting of the barbs across my back, but he only used regular ones. I tried not to cry out - I didn't want him to see me cry, but I could not help it...

I... I do not think Inquisitor Thal truly wants to be the one to 'question' me... I have seen him work before and that same zealousness, that anger and even hatred towards those he questions is not there. He is almost gentle with me... if that is possible.

I had to be carried back to my cell after, my knees gave out on me. I remember falling to the ground, thankful to be alive yet yearning for death.

I can see her and she smiles at me... mother I will be with you soon... don't leave without me...

~ Nadia